The Boatyard, Magaluf; Mallorca

After a couple of days of “running” for a couple of bands I was looking forward to this Sunday and the opportunity to have a drink and a nice lunch. The Boatyard in Magaluf had been recommended by a few people and as we had taken a cursory look at it from the seafront it was agreed that this would be worth a trial.

Now let’s get this right, “running” is not as simple as it sounds. You have to be available continuously, accept any request and respond with a positive, have a knowledge of said runnee’s activity and be able to point the runnee in the right direction. If this sounds easy then do it but if I was you I’d wait until you get a much fuller explanation from me over the next few months.

Back to the review for The Boatyard. It has a great position bang on the beach and it looks the part. It offers a Sunday roast, today beef, two courses at 12.75€. Not the cheapest but recommended and it has a good location. Sadly this is as good as it got. The reception we received was still pointing everything in the right direction, the waiter appeared assured and gave us a good table on the front but then again an empty table at 2:00 pm on a sunny Sunday in this position should have warned us of something being amiss. The order was placed for the two course menu at 12.75€, one mushroom tagliatelle, one roast beef lunch and two apple crumble and custard.

We waited for the mains to arrive and watched the best that the tourism has to offer pass us by on the waterfront, which I have to admit is a little bit scary. Our main courses arrived, the tagliatelle looking like a…….. tagliatelle, along with a couple of pieces of garlic bread, well one cut in half longways anyway. The “Sunday roast” was deposited in front of me and a cursory glance showed it to be what it was meant to be. A Yorkshire pudding, a couple of slices of roast beef and a selection of vegetables, but sadly as I proceeded to eat it there was much disappointment.  So much of it had been pre-cooked, including the Yorkshire pudding. The roast potatoes were far from crisp and fresh, the carrots, broccoli and beans had a grey, cooked yesterday, sheen to them, the mash looked, well, undescribable, definitely not like mash and the cauliflower cheese just looked sad, with a sauce that looked more like thick milk. The gravy was straight out of a Bisto pack! Now let’s get this straight, it wasn’t just us that struggled, a couple close to us, for some reason, had decided that they would share one lunch between the two of them and even they could not (or would not) clear their plate.(?)

As I had not picked up a knife and fork for almost 72 hours and had been living of snacks and fruit my body ignored the faults and I did my best to clear the plate, especially in anticipation of my pre-ordered dessert, apple crumble and custard. Well, what happened next was even more bizarre.  Our, not empty, plates were eventually taken and we waited with baited breath for said desserts to arrive. You have to remember we had had some good feedback about this restaurant. After waiting patiently for 10 minutes or so, we both felt maybe we should say something. It took us another 10 minutes to get someone’s attention. His first reaction was “do you want the bill?” Unbelievable! If the place had been extremely busy I could have given them some leeway but it was far from that. “Oh, you are waiting for desserts, I’ll get straight on it” or similar. Well if another 20 minutes is straight on it, be thankful these guys don’t work in A&E as you would have bled to death by now. Finally the desserts turned up, apple crumble and custard, just in case you’ve forgotten. Well it has gone on a while now. My mother (bless her) was not a good cook, albeit a professional one, but she made a reasonable apple crumble. She actually used apples and she made the pastry, well, crumble. What was presented to us was an insult. A soggy doughy mess over an apple jam is the best way to describe it. The pastry actually tasted like it had been in a deep frier, looked like it had been put under a grill and had the texture of………. ermmmm… sorry guys….. pond slime. The custard turned up in a nice little white jug alongside but had obviously been sitting around waiting for its mate apple crumble to turn up and had a skin so thick that Torvill and Dean could have qualified for the winter Olympics on it. We pointed this out to our waiter who actually took no notice whatsoever, we had no apology, no offer of a free meal (not that I wanted one), not even a “don’t worry the desserts are on us” or “here’s a discount voucher for your next visit”. Bear in mind we had hardly touched them, so it was obvious that both of us had a problem with the dessert. They were awful!

To add insult to the whole lunch, I discovered that they actually charged 3.50€ for a bottle of beer! But yes I hear them say it was Heineken. I am being polite in saying FRIG off, it is a bottle of beer that costs the same as a Mahou, more or less, that I pay only 1.50€ for around the corner. You guys are taking the proverbial, get real, wake up and smell the coffee – ooh I hate that expression.

At the end of the day unless you must sit along this piece of waterfront and eat, all I can say is don’t. This is the second restaurant we have tried along this particular promenade and we had hoped that this one would surpass the previous one. In fairness it did that, just! But if you want to try somewhere that is good value, good quality, good service sadly I have to say avoid Magaluf, which is a great shame considering the amount of visitors that turn up there.

This is a well positioned restaurant; it looks welcoming, far more than most of the other establishments in Magaluf but was just poor and disappointing. I am not going to add my recommendations here, as I would be accused of promoting other venues and I must stress that I have no axe to grind, no secret client, nobody to promote and no free meals elsewhere (sadly). This to the best of my ability is an honest review.

The visit was on Sunday May 15 2011. The cost for two was 39€ for two courses, 3 beers and a glass of wine.

The Lloyd Cole Ensemble April 24 2011 – Palma

Last night saw a rare occurrence at the beautifully restored Teatre Principal in Palma, an event in English. The Lloyd Cole Ensemble, a 3 piece, consisting of the man himself on his black and brown guitar (as he put it) accompanied by Matt Cullen - Steel string guitar and banjo along with Mark Schwaber - Nylon and steel string guitar, mandolin.

In what was a very warm theatre the guys came on stage and kicked straight in to the music with a track from his self titled and first solo album but then swiftly followed with a  couple of tracks  from the Commotions days to get everybody in the mood. (Set list published below). A number of tracks from the new album were peppered throughout the evening amongst some haunting renditions of the classics. Beautifully performed versions of Perfect Skin, Rattlesnakes and Forest Fire by this threesome, which were so obviously enjoying not only this concert but the whole of their tour.  Throughout the first half, the charismatic Mr Cole was anxious to sell his latest album Broken Record as he mentioned once or twice that it could be bought outside after the show and that he would be out there signing this and anything else that was brought along, within reason (which he did).

How do you describe the style nowadays, well I’ll best leave it to Lloyd Cole himself - “The Small Ensemble is my new baby blue grass band. No, we're not really blue grass at all, but we do use similar instrumentation. And we're all acoustic.” I’ll just add that they have a totally laid back and relaxed style but that the voice of Lloyd Cole, that we all remember from many years ago is still there, sounding exactly the same, just as good as it’s ever been. 

This was another special night with the guys actually putting together two sets, a rarity at concerts these days. Two sets of close to an hour each time plus the encore. An intimate concert with the lads away, who were just playing Foosball in local bars across Europe, having a good time.

For those of us that live in Mallorca you get used to all the best venues having everything in Catalan, an almost jingoistic viewpoint. Whilst the majority of us agree with the protection of local languages and dialects, when the island consists of around 40% “foreigners” as residents would it not make sense to reflect that in the performing arts. Surely more international artists performing here would help everybody, especially at venues like the Teatre Principal, especially as theoretically 40% of the restoration cost is down to the rest of us. Even to have information given to us in a language we could understand would be a start. This discussion will carry on somewhere else, I’m sure, let’s not detract from what was an excellent concert by The Lloyd Cole Ensemble.

Vernon God Little by DBC Pierre - book review

Having just spent the last week or so reading the Booker Prize winner of 2003 all I can say is don't bother. This copy was given to me by a friend, well I thought she was a friend.
The story revolves around Texan teenager Vernon and his ensuing mishaps, which find him eventually on death row. A somewhat ridiculous tale with an even more ridiculous ending. It is written in first person style but you are meant to think that the first person is not too clever, this in itself is totally contradictory. The whole book just makes you want to throw it away and I can imagine most readers that picked it up did not even finish it. I am not sure how I managed, it was just the thought that the judges were on to something, but no, I think they were all sleeping that day. I think it's quality shows by the lack of recent works by the same author DBC Pierre. (DBC, what's that all about?)
Apologies now to whoever picks up my copy from the charity shop.

GR221- Esporles to Banyalbufar by foot.

The latest hike was the route GR221, the footpath from Esporles to Banyalbafur, otherwise known as Cami des Correu. This route takes you along the edge of the Tramuntanas on the west coast, through wonderful pine and oak woods with some outstanding glimpses of the sea and at the Banyalbufar end great views over the Moorish cultivation steps. 
Rather than start in Esporles it is a lot easier to use the car park a few kilometres up the hill at La Granja tourist attraction. From here walk up the main road and after approx 100 metres or so the footpath begins on your left.
This path is well marked and would appear to be going through a lot of improvements, especially at this end (at the time of writing). It starts as a cobble path, but note, very large cobbles, and then follows what must be a water course in  wet weather. In areas it can be quite difficult and you have to watch your footing, but don't worry there is no clambering over rocks or such like. The first 20 minutes is quite a steep climb with footing improving after a while to a smooth dirt track. Once you reach the top you enter the oak woods and would expect to hear little, but unfortunately on the day of my walk it was the round island motorbike rally as all you could hear was the constant ning-ning and thump-thump of a thousand Wild Hogs somewhere below negotiating every bend as quickly a they could.
Despite this (slight exaggeration) it was still an extremely pleasant walk and with most of the route in shade, reasonably cool. There is not much in excitement on the route apart from a couple of old charcoal pits and the odd piece of the original road as you start the descent down into Banyalbufar. There are some excellent stopping points to enjoy the views en-route and make it worthwhile taking a snack bag with you if you are not planning to lunch at one end or the other. On reaching Banyalbafur, on this particular Sunday, after listening to the bikes for so long, it was good to see genuine gridlock with all sorts of bikes, classic and normal cars along with the odd tourist bus going nowhere. Get off and walk!  On arrival at this end there are a number of restaurants offering good value menus, even on a Sunday (12or 13€, 3 courses, wine and water).

  

















A lot of the guides seem to infer that this is a fairly easy route but it is worth noting that the climbs at both ends are steep and you do need to be reasonably fit for them. I did both ways at around 2 hours each and my legs felt like they had had a good workout. All in all a very pleasant way to spend a morning walking, just don't do it on the day of the annual motorbike rally! 

A tale of two shoes.

A walk in the hills from Na Burguesa to Costa d’en Blanes.

Sunday 10 April woke to find itself covered in sun, almost a bit too much sun for April but it was a happy day. It was the day of the first organised walk for the Lace ladies along with friends, partners, and dogs. A bit of a trial day for a gang of 8 (plus canines Chiggy and Charlie) including the very experienced Mr. Mallorca Walker, aka Robin. The French Coffee Shop in the Costa d’en Blanes car park was to be the start and finish of the days exertions, providing a good caffeine kick start.

 From here we all climbed into Robin’s van for the drive up to the spectacular monument hovering over Genova with arms outstretched to welcome us. This saved the weaker of us what could have been a hell of a climb. The sun shone whilst we all took in the view of the cosmopolitan city of Palma and the Mediterranean 400 or so metres below us.  From immediately below the monument of Our Lady the walk began passing through the concrete posts into what was yet another piece of military land now thankfully opened to the public. Immediately we were enclosed in the pine woods that are so prolific in Mallorca with the wonderful fresh smell that only they can bring. The party quickly settled into small groups with the more active leading the way up along the well marked stone path, passing flowers of white, purple and yellow and a freshness of greenery that only spring can supply.

After about half an hour of easy but uphill walking we cleared the woods to find ourselves at a junction with impressive views towards the Tramuntana Mountains. It shows the complete contrast of this beautiful island, as within that very short distance we had gone from looking over ½ million people to seeing just pristine scenery with not a building in sight. At this point one of our party had a problem with shoes that had decided they didn’t want to come this far so had been deserting her bit by bit from the start of the walk. A pair of shoes that had not seen the light of day for some time and had decided to disintegrate, giving us all a lesson on check before you leave. Sadly it made more sense for her to return as we had not yet reached the halfway mark and we must thank her for returning the van to Costa d’en Blanes and commiserate with her missing the rest of the walk.

From this first major junction we headed left and then right in a southerly direction and slowly started to glimpse the water of the Mediterranean, sadly a bit too hazy to view the distant island of Cabrera but still a spectacular view from this ridge of mountains that would carry on and spill us back at our starting point before dipping its toes in the water. The vistas were spectacular including the distant refuge on the next mountain to the peak sof the Tramuntanas in the distance. As we progressed along the ridge we were than exposed to the bay of Palmanova and Magaluf beyond, which from this distance looked incredibly inviting and shortly after this appeared the motor yachty paradise of Portals with its thousands of metres of fibre glass brazenly on display. From our position though all we could hear was the sound of the gentle wind and the odd baaa from the wild mountain goats hidden in the shrubbery giving it all a surreal feeling.

After a brief stop for oranges to boost us all we started to descend into civilisation, looking down on the Bendinat tunnel  giving it a Scalextrix perspective rather than the one we are all used to. The walk finished on the back roads of Costa d’en Blanes, through streets of houses and apartments that all seem to have at least one dog that barks. It would appear that all these caged in dogs were jealous of our two companions who had been free to roam in the backhills and were letting us know. We finished back where we started at the French Coffee House for a well earned seat and a caña having enjoyed a three hour round trip that was not too exertive but you knew you had completed a walk in the hills.

Thanks to www.mallorcawalker.com and www.lacenetwork.com for organising what I hope will be the first of many more ambles through Mallorca.